The Four Benefits of Pain

“Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.” ~Khalil Gibran

When was the last time you experienced pain? What did you do about it?

I suffered from severe pain related to a bad tooth for more than three days. Earlier today, the 3-part procedure to treat my toothache finally started. Part one involves a root canal treatment; part two requires building a crown to protect the partial decayed tooth; part three has to do with treating my gum disease. I expect the procedures to complete in two to three weeks with multiple visits to different specialists.

Pain is our body’s signal to alert us that something is wrong. It needs our attention.

In my case, the inflammation in my tooth needs work. The work of repairing the decayed tooth costs me downtime from work, long hours on the dentist chair and dental bills in the thousands.

Are there benefits from pain?

I am not saying to look for pain because of the inherent benefits. But knowing that pain in life is inevitable, at least four benefits came to mind:

1. Pain Prompts Actions
2. Pain Promotes Change
3. Pain Raises Empathy
4. Pain Motivates Self-Care

Pain Prompts Actions

Pain gets our attention real quick. Pain urges me to take action. In my case, the pain alerts me to do something about my decayed tooth. If I don’t deal with it, the inflammation will worsen. In some severe cases, oral infection can be fatal if the infection spreads to the brain.

Pain Promotes Change

Pain drives me to seek changes. I love eating peanuts, especially when I am reading. Just like eating potato chips, it’s hard to stop. Chewing on a bag of shelled peanuts causes a lot of wear and tear on my teeth. Knowing my teeth are not in good condition, I have been thinking about quitting the habit of eating peanuts every week. Now, I really need to change and I will. My Dietician daughter promised to make me fresh peanut butter using her new electric mixer. Yummy!

Pain Raises Empathy

Pain helps me to empathize with others who are hurting. I am mere human who are subject to pain, suffering and even death. As a counsellor, many clients come to see me because they have pain: chronic physical pain, emotional pain, or stress-induced ailments. Pain hurts. Next time when I’m with someone who are hurting because of long-term illness, chronic pain, emotional anguish, etc., I can relate to their pain because I’ve been there. My recent agony connects me with other human beings who are in pain.

Pain Motivates Self-Care

Pain reminds me to take better care of myself. Pain humbles me to accept my limitations and mortality. Nature has endowed me with gifts, health, relationships, and resources. My responsibility is to take care of my body, belongings, and resources, and to nurture my relationships by treasuring the people around me.

Pain and Gain

I hope you are living free from pain now.

However, if you are suffering from pain, take action, seek help, and have faith that you will find the appropriate remedy. The pain can be physical, emotional or spiritual. Through enduring and seeking healing from your pain, you will gain deeper perspectives of life that leads to understanding.

When you recall the times that you struggled with pain, what profound understanding have you gained?

How to Face the Final Curtain Call with Courage?

My girlfriend was diagnosed with breast cancer and had surgery six years ago. Doctors were satisfied with her treatments and gave her a positive prognosis. Yesterday, my girlfriend spoke to me after dinner. Her teary eyes gave away what she was going to tell me. She just found out that her cancer is back, with full force, spreading to her bones, liver, and lung.

What can one say to comfort a forty-eight-year-old mother and wife?

Words escaped me. But not for long. I committed to lift her up in prayers.

Today, as I reflect on my own mortality, Dr. Paul Wong‘s teaching comes in handy. No matter how unwelcome the subject of “death” is, it is part of the human reality. Dying is part of living. Instead of avoiding the topic, I’ve learned to adopt an attitude of acceptance to my own demise. Knowing the final curtain call is inevitable, why not live each moment fully with intention and vigor?

Tomorrow is not guaranteed.

Do I regret about the past, worry about the future, and allow regrets and worries to hijack my present?

NO. There is a better approach. Dr. Paul Wong’s Five Pathways to Death Acceptance provides a framework for easing the agony of our final exit. This framework also speak to my strategy for living life to the full. (To learn more about What Makes Life Worth Living, consider joining the Meaning Conference in Vancouver July 24 to 27, 2014) Here is what I’ve learned from Dr. Wong:

1) Live a life of self-transcendence

I am put to this world to experience humanity, enjoy the abundance that life has to offer, as well as to fulfill my responsibilities. Instead of focusing my energy in seeking merely personal gains, comfort, pleasure, etc., I choose to worship my Creator and strive to fulfill my purpose on this earth by enriching other people’s lives.

2) Validate your life as worthwhile and meaningful

Life is a mystery. There are things that cannot be explained to my satisfaction and comprehension. I need to have faith that in the bigger scheme somewhere in the unknown, order exists in spite of apparent chaos, righteousness prevails in spite of seeming injustice. Being human has inherent value. The sanctity of life in each person is a meaningful gift awaiting full exploration.

3) Have taken care of the unfinished business

Imagine going into a deserted house packed with unopened gifts. If I were the owner of the house, I would feel remorse not enjoying those gifts while I lived there. How does it feel like to see a pile of unfinished business at the end of our life journey? The unfinished business can be our unrealized dreams, unaccomplished goals, unspoken ambitions, and under-utilized talents. I made my decision to follow my passion and pursue things that matter to me the most. My action starts today, not tomorrow.

4) Connect with love ones

We are relational beings; we have the need to love and be loved. A sense of community, security and connectedness emerges when surrounded by family, friends and loved ones. I treasure those moments. I set aside time, put away distractions, enjoy their presence while with them.

5) Have faith in a blessed afterlife

Depending on our belief system, death can mean the end of doom, the pit of nothingness, the rise of avatar, or the beginning of heaven. I believe in heaven where there is no pain, suffering, or sorrow. Death marks the end of my physical existence on earth; my soul lives on. I will be among the angels singing praises day and night, in eternity.

Looking Down Memory Lane

Let’s fast forward to 2050. The ninety-year-old Joyce is lying peacefully in her deathbed. Breathing in and out reviewing every frame of her long memory strip with delight:

She did the best with the gifts that the Creator has generously endowed her with.

She experienced love as a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother, a grandmother, and a great-grandmother.

She worked in professions that contributed to individual and organizational growth.

She lived her childhood dream and had the opportunity to stitch new dreams and fulfill them one by one.

Now, taking in her last breath, she says goodbye to her loved ones around her, blesses them, and steps gracefully into eternity uniting with her heavenly Father.

What would you say when you are at your deathbed?

What will your life review look like?

How will you live today?

Three Truths to Know Before Starting Your Gratitude Journal

Last week, we went through the benefits of keeping a Gratitude Journal. This practice will draw on more positivity, optimal health and resiliency. Do you want that for your life?

Today, I will show you how to start your Gratitude Journal and be happier.

You can think of it as a diary that captures what you are grateful for. Limit it to capture your gratitude items rather than everything that has happened in a day. The effect of reading through the journal that plays back positive moments in your life has powerful effect as mentioned above. Five minutes a day, 10 minutes every other day, or half an hour a week will work wonders. Find out what works best for you. Keep at it until it becomes your new habit. You can type it out on a computer or write it out by hand. Some people like to carry the journal with them so that they can record entries as things happen. Here are some guidelines regarding quantity, quality and frequency for your Gratitude Journal:

1)      Quantity

If you are comfortable in writing, allow your thoughts and emotions to come through as you recall your gratitudes. However, you do not have to write a volume to get the benefits of keeping a Gratitude Journal. You can start jotting down simple items that you are thankful for, then sprinkling in more descriptive narratives. If you are new to writing down your thoughts and feelings, starting off with a list can get the momentum going. Positive thoughts will emerge and you will feel more positively. A simple list can look like this:

• I am grateful for my dog…
• I am grateful for a glass of clean water…
• I am grateful for this place that I called home…

2)      Quality

When you get comfortable reflecting on the positive things that are in your life, start to dig deeper to your feelings, emotions, and imaginations. Allow yourself to savor the moments and relish the magic, the gift that you have. For example, instead of a simple list, you write something like this:

• I am grateful for my dog. She waited for me at the door yesterday as usual. But this time, she seemed to know that I was in distress. She immediately jumped on my lap and looked at me, wagging her tail. She sat still, watching me, listening to my sobbing, sharing my pain… Then, she joined me for a pleasant walk outside. The fresh breeze from the smell of fall leaves awakened me to notice the golden, yellowish-reddish maple foliage around me.

• I am grateful for a glass of clean water. It felt so refreshing as I gulped down the whole glass of cold, filtered water from the fridge. I needed that drink. I was thirsty. My throat was dry. My mouth had bitter taste…

• I am grateful for this place that I called home. It is more than a place to live. It is my safe haven. I feel secure here. I am productive here. I have my family here with me. I am not alone. They mean the world to me. I remembered our last gathering when we had a baby shower for my daughter, Ginny. All her close friends came over. My mom and her aunties were also here. We laughed. We ate the scrumptious healthy home-made snacks. We opened gifts, took pictures, played games. We shared tips in caring for babies. We showered Ginny with our blessings.
  

3)      Frequency

You do not have to do it everyday if you find that laborious. Or, it feels like a chore as if you have to wash the dishes. Do it once, twice, or three times a week. Some people do it weekly. You have to do it regularly over a period of time in order to establish that as a habit. Once you start doing it, the benefits that you gain will be your best motivation. Even if you slack off, and lose that routine, come back to your journal if you start to feel negative, frustrated, or depressed. Your Gratitude Journal will steer you to the upload slope. Make it your habit not only to write new entries, review past entries and start feeling the bliss. There is much to be thankful for!

What has been most helpful to you as you write down your thoughts?

What truths have you uncovered about your Gratitude Journal?